Hello and welcome back to my blog.
Today I’d like to share something more personal with you. That being why (some) parents f*ck you up mentally. (And yes I censored that word because … well some people get offended at everything).
Have you been in this situation as well: your parents care more about others than you? Get more excited when your friends achieves something? Are happier for your friends and might even celebrate it? Cause same.
My parents for example got more excited that my best friend is having a baby than they were for anything I’ve ever done in my life. And that just breaks me. Makes me wonder what my best friend has that I don’t. What makes her special and me just … meh? Why does she get so much love but not me?
I’ve struggled with this for my entire life. I was bullied in school and was too scared to say anything to my parents cause I thought they would judge me. Judge me for not speaking up to the bullies and judge me for not defending myself. It came so far that I sat at home, thinking about ending it all. I actually thought the world would be better off without me.
I have severe social anxiety as well. Unfortunately not diagnosed by a professional since I’m too scared my parents would find out and, once again, judge me. When I tell them that I can’t do certain things, or if they could do it for me, I get “the look”. You know which one. The “aren’t you old enough to do this yourself?” look. Little do they know that exactly this drives my anxiety through the roof.
Or do you know that feeling when you’re super duper excited about something but your parents take the wind out of your sails? Like “hasn’t xy done this as well?” or “good for you”. I remember having a picture of mine printed in a magazine (given the fact I just started out with photography this was a BIG DEAL) and when I showed it to my dad, the only thing he said was “oh, I didn’t even see that”. Thank you very much.
Usually I laugh at this, cause I’m used to this. But today I just thought about how messed up my mental health is because of this.
Heck, I was scared to get an ear piercing (WHEN I WAS 18!!!) because I was scared of what my parents might think about it. And let’s not talk about tattoos because my dad already said that a sleeve “is f*cking ugly”.
So, I’d rather sit here and say nothing. Yes, people can and should have different opinions and it’s great to have discussions about it, but constantly nagging on you takes its toll as well. I’m currently crying and feeling down. And no, I’m not writing this to drown myself in self pity. I just wanted to raise awareness that not everything is your fault. Even if your parents make it look that way!
Please let me know if you’ve struggled with this as well. Maybe we can help each other, just by listening. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Means a lot to me.